Are You Up To Dating a Woman with Kids? Challenges of Dating Single Moms.

Guys, I’m sure that most of you realize that dating a woman with kids presents a whole range of unique challenges. In most relationships between a man and a woman the major concerns are really only about how the two of you get along. But, when you’re dating a single mom, the dynamics of the whole relationship change. It’s now you, her AND the children!

While many men shy away from dating a woman with children because they believe that the difficulties involved in dealing with the kids will be just too much, especially when they’re trying to establish a new romantic relationship with the mother, there are guys who are prepared for the challenge.

Love knows no boundaries! And men, who have fallen for a woman who has children from a previous relationship or marriage, know that they have to accept and work through all the problems and issues such a relationship will undoubtedly throw up.

So, if you’re thinking about dating a woman with kids, what are some of the challenges involved?   

# First of all, you should know that it is harder for single moms to find dates than it is for women without children. This means that a single mom may be more approachable and eager to date you, but that doesn’t mean that she’ll have lots of time for you though.

Dating a woman with kids means that you compete for her time, and her kids will almost always come first. A single mom will probably be working full or, at least part-time, perhaps going to little league practice or ballet lessons and a myriad of other things that are part and parcel of being a parent. Where she fits you into the picture may be limited.

# You will have to decide together when to get to know her kids. Your date knows it’s bad parenting to bring a succession of men into her kids’ lives. So, despite the fact that her kids are the most important thing in the world to her, you may find yourself being excluded from this realm for quite some time.

When you do meet the children, you have to decide how you will relate to them. They’re not your children, but you will want them on your side. While younger children are easier to impress – just toss a ball or draw with them – older kids have their own activities and agendas!

Most children wish that their mom and dad would get back together again and they’re likely to see you as a threat to this fantasy. In almost all cases, there is at least some initial resistance to having you in their mom’s life.

# You will most probably have the problem of establishing authority when you are dating a woman with kids. When you give an instruction to a child, they’re likely to say “you’re not my dad.” Think through your response to this challenge carefully, and ahead of time, as it may set the tone for the rest of your relationship with the child.

# Another problem with dating a woman with children is that it can get quite expensive. After you have settled into a relationship and you know her kids, dates often become “family” outings. Instead of going for pizza and beer with your girlfriend, you are likely to end up at ‘Chuck E. Cheese’s’ with the kids in tow. Forget going to an amusement park unless the kids get to come along.

# Intimate physical relations can become tricky when you are dating a woman with kids. Some women are reluctant to bring you home for an overnight because of the possibly negative message that will send to the kids. She is also not likely to want to come over to your place because that involves finding someone to watch the kids.

If she does allow you into her bedroom, you may well be interrupted by children at a key moment. Be prepared for children to invade every aspect of your life.

One final note, if you do get involved with a woman’s children, and subsequently break up with her, you will almost always lose your relationship with the kids. In this case, you may suffer from double heartbreak!

To sum up, this is not to say that you should, at all costs, avoid dating a woman with kids. Instead, be well aware of the challenges and problems it can present, and weigh up whether or not this is the type of relationship that could work for you.

  • K. Kelly

    I’m sad to see the comments like “dont date women with kids” and “dating women with kids is a mistake”.
    I am a single parent with one little girl(2 years old), her father and stepmother take GREAT care of her,we all get along great and finding time to date and spend time with a man is never a problem.
    So, it can happend, just have to fine the right woman.

  • James

    Just like John Dallas Campbell said, just don’t date woman with kids, i’m currently out of a 3 year relationship with a woman with a child, bad on all accounts, the dead beat dad, was an issue, no time, and the worst i got to love the child more, and it was double heart break, because I was the one under appreciated, and close to the child. Now i walk away from it. And have been dating plenty of single woman w/o children who have more time to invest and appreciate me.

  • Gauss

    Thank you very much for the article. There are really nice ladies out there with kids and these ladies have lots of love BUT my fears are that:
    1. How do you spend money on these kids say send them to school and such and when they are grown up they still run back to their actual father.
    2. Should something major happens between me and the mother in the future the kids will always team up with their mother and me alone on the other side.
    3.When you are offended by a kid that is not yours it really goes deep into the murrow and brings out a whole lot of nonsense

  • http://getexbackforever.typepad.com Clayton Spears

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  • jorge

    Hi I am a 27 year old male who has made plenty of bad decisions in life. I am always getting into unhealthy relationshipsand then find it alittle hard to end them because i focus on the other persons feelings. I am currently going to go back to school and have started to be in a relationship this this november with a 24 year old women with 4 kids with two different men one of the kids is in the fathers custody. that is his only kid from there relationship together. I have had some addictive problems growing up and I am also in recovery right now. she is in women with kids rehab right now with her kids trying to complete her program. The 3 other kids father is a drug user whos been in and out of jail his whole life and posses as a threat to me because he lives around my neighborhood even though we have not look eye to eye yet. But I am feeling really uncompterble in this relationship and even though I find her very attractive and thought this might have worked out I feel like I am making a big mistake and need to make a clean break from this relationship as soon as possible. knowing that its only been two months of dating which I can only see her once a week on her visits home. I do talk to her everyday because she has a cell phone but I feel anxiety and want to know how I can let her go without hurting her feeling knowing that i did sweet talk her and did things to give her reason to get a emotional bond attathment. If anyone could help me with this story I am here.

  • alman

    I think the problem with the last comment is that you are trying too hard to be the ‘man of the house’. It seems this is your problem not theirs. You have to respect that her sons are not your full responsibility.

    My parents seperated and there were constant arguments between me and her new partner. You are not their Dad and if your partner is comfortable leading the way and doesn not heed your advice, you need to back down and be more supportive and consultative, offering opinions but accepting the situation.

    Otherwise you will push them both away.

  • John Dallas Campbell

    Do NOT date a woman with a child! Big, big mistake…

  • oneofthegoodones

    ..i’ve been in a 4+ year long relationship with a divorced woman who has 2 children, now 9 and 14. i’ve dealt with random situations with the ex, and at this point, he knows not to say anything out of line to me! We have a 15 month old daughter, and once she was born, we decided to take things further and move in together with the hopes of getting married. once we did that, the ex took her to court to reduce EVERYTHING, and she hasn’t been the same person she was before all of the madness he has caused. through it all, i’ve been by her side, trying to be a supportive mate, etc, and take care of about 80% of things financially for our home, including things for ‘her’ 2 boys. OK–we’re going head to head lately over things about her oldest son, 14. she feels he should have more freedom, etc, and i do agree, but he is an immature 14 and still needs to show more accountability and initiative for me to feel comfortable with certain things..example, she feels that he should be able to ‘stay home’ whenever he feels like, unless she says otherwise…she feels that it should be HER choice because that’s HER son…well, again, WE live together, and i, being the man of the house, feel differently than she does on that situation (and MANY others!)…she grew up without her father in her life at all, and her ex-husband wasn’t the best and treated her terribly..for everything she complains about regarding her ex-husband being controlling, etc, she is the same way!!….i’ve been ‘putting my foot down’ about things lately, and she is totally not feeling me! i need some advice–i really love her and want to be here, but i keep feeling like she will never allow me to be the man i need to be…

  • ryder

    @james bond, it sounds to me like you just really need to step away from that situation. I can understand, that if you have genuine feelings for this woman, the need to stay with her. To me a situation like this where the mother of all people allows her kids to run all over her is a potential “red flag”. I too have just recently started a relationship with a mother of one but in my situation the child is a 9 month old, so far he seem to have taken a liking to me but that is how babies are, they’ll smile at anything.

  • james bond

    The above statement is true. But let me take it a step further, and maybe someone can answer this question for me. I am dating a divorced woman and she has kids, but the main problem im running into is this.she has been divorced for awhile and the kids have pretty much taken over, and i mean they tell her what to do. and, and the youngest male child has made the comment to me that he can do what he wants to do. Well, I have three kids of my own and i donot allow and have never allowed them to treat me the way she lets her kids treat her. I must say though that she is a wonderful woman and has a career, but she always makes excuses for them due to the way they act. and no matter how i try to give her advise to correct the problem, she never follows it. It puts a strain on the relationship. In other words her children ages ranging from 8-22 and still all living at home does not lift a finger to help around the house. and she continues to let this happen, i told her that she is feeling sorry for her kids and hurting their future.All i get in response is that im to strict and need to lighten up and let kids be kids. This is where i have a problem. she has a 20 year old daughter that sits on the computor all day not helping and older sons that wont lift a finger to do anything, and here i am doing what they should be doing for their mother. I know that im hurting the situation by doing that but she does need help. So my plan was to step back and let her see hopefully that her kids need to do chores and pitch in, however this seems not to work. Due to the fact that she continues to let this happen. I know what i need to do but to make sure that im not jumping the gun, i would like to hear some response to this if possible.

  • paul

    in other words, don’t date a woman with kids!!