Why, at times, is divorce support so hard to come by?
Divorce is said to be one of the most devastating things that can happen in your life.
Many say it’s equal to the passing of a loved one in terms of emotional stress.
Not only that, but there’s also the financial stress, and worry about the uncertainty of the future.
During other trying times in life, such as a bereavement, natural disasters, or perhaps bankruptcy, people often gather to support those in need.
Yet, for various reasons, during divorce they discover people they thought were friends are suddenly not answering their phones, or seem to be avoiding them. And, even family members may abandon them as well!
Divorce support becomes almost non-existent!
The reason for this simple, yet disappointing. The ending of a marriage can be a highly emotional time for everyone involved. And, some people find the situation too uncomfortable or confronting. They just can’t handle it!
They find it hard to give necessary divorce support to people, even to their loved ones.
However, most people going through divorce need someone to turn to. They need a sounding-board. Someone to talk to. Someone who can help them sort through all the emotions they’re feeling.
They may need advice on how to take care of themselves, both emotionally and physically, during the divorce process. In short, they need a divorce support system.
Here are 5 tips to get the support you need during divorce.
#1 Your “Pre-Marriage” Friends – Your Best Divorce Support System
One of the best sources of divorce support anyone could have is their best and closest friend or friends. These are the people you hung with before you got married, and are still there for you. They know you as well as you know yourself, and they aren’t judgmental.
Your friends provide the perfect avenue for you to vent your feelings, frustrations and anger about your divorce. Their support is worth it’s weight in gold!
However, there are people who believe that the friends you made as a married couple are just as valuable in terms of divorce support.
This may be true. But, the biggest hurdle for them to jump is that they will probably feel torn. They’ll be hesitant to take sides. Most likely, they will want to support both you, and your ‘soon-to-be-ex-spouse’.
Will what you say about the divorce, or your ‘intended ex’, be held in confidence? And, is it fair of you to ask this of them?
#2 Check Out Online Divorce Support Groups and Forums
In addition to basic family, marriage and relationship online support groups, there are groups and online forums that cater specifically for people going through divorce.
However, be careful! While divorce support groups help, you need to pick and choose who you associate with and listen to.
We accept the fact that divorce can be highly emotional period in anyone’s life. And, because of this, unfortunately, there may be angry, bitter and negative people posting on divorce forums. Use your better judgment to separate the good and bad divorce information and advice you may receive.
Harboring grudges against your ex, or considering payback, are not how to deal with divorce anger. It simply won’t do you any good. Most often, you only end up coming off worse. You certainly don’t want any further complications, legal or otherwise, to manage at this time.
Taking a positive approach to divorce support will help you recover and move forward with your life much quicker. Focus on seeking out only supportive and positive people in these online divorce groups, and develop some sort of mutually beneficial relationship with them.
#3 Local Community Support Groups
There are local community groups that you can connect with as well. For example, search for churches and other non-profit organizations in your area that offer divorce support.
Parenting is another important issue. If you have children, you may find there are support groups for single parents.
Take advantage of any assistance these local support groups provide. And, at the same time, give back your support.
You may be surprised how getting involved in your community can have many wide ranging benefits.
This leads to the next point, volunteering…
#4 Become a Volunteer
Often one of the best ways to connect with others, and move forward, is to get out of your normal routine. Volunteering helps you connect with people in a positive way. It also may help you meet new people and make new friends. Helping others boosts your self confidence and emotional well-being.
#5 Consider Divorce Coaching
If you don’t have any close friends or family members who can listen and support you without being judgmental, think seriously about finding a divorce coach.
Professional divorce coaches can help you sort through the emotions you’re experiencing. They can also help clarify the divorce process, so you know what’s happening, and when litigation is completed, aid in your divorce recovery. Unfortunately, legal “mumbo-jumbo” can sometimes leave people confused! Get help to sort it all out.
What to do now? What’s the best course of action to take concerning divorce support?
To sum up, there will be times when you’ll find things a bit overwhelming, but be somewhat comforted by the fact that divorce doesn’t have to be a devastating event. And, that you don’t have to handle this marital mess all by yourself!
Moving through divorce, and healing, is a lot easier when you have people who support you. Follow the suggestions given above; find and use divorce support where you can. Your friends, family, a divorce coach or counselor, online forums, local church and peer groups are all viable options.