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It happens more often than not that after a breakup, unless of course the ending of your relationship was a mutual decision, that either you or your ex are desperate to work out how to get back together. But, is getting back with your ex the right or wrong thing to do? Is it really what you want?

After a relationship breakup, you need to seriously ask yourself these questions. “Do I want to make up with my ex because I really love them?” or “Do I want to get back with my ex simply because it’s much easier than moving on with my life?”.

photo credit: robclimbing

Anyone who says it’s simple to cope with the trauma and heartache of a relationship break up is either hiding their real feelings, or they were never really in love. However, the truth is, how you deal with the split is totally reliant on whether you want to repair the relationship, or you want to find a way to move on.

It’s a common dilemma that plagues many people in romantic relationships that have broken up. Is getting back into a relationship with your ex really what you want to do, or are you fooling yourself into believing it’s what you “should” do because it’s what’s expected by family or society?

Let’s have a look at both scenarios, the reconciliation and the termination of a relationship following a break up. And, with a touch of break up advice thrown in, it might help you decide which way you want to head.

Get Back With Your Ex.

If it’s your decision that you want to make up with your ex and get back together, then there are several initial steps you can take to help get your relationship back on track and maybe be a couple once again.

Don’t panic! If you start thinking there’s no hope of any reconciliation between you and your ex you’ll only make things worse for yourself. It takes time after a break up for emotions to settle down. Don’t rush matters, you need to be patient and give your ex, and yourself, some breathing space.

Admit that the relationship is over. Being able to accept this fact is important. Once you come to this realization, you can then begin to plan how you’re going to get back together with your ex. It will help to prepare you for a successful make up with your ex and, more importantly, help you keep him or her. So accept that your relationship has broken up and do so without panicking!

Try to figure out what went wrong in your relationship and what caused the break up. You must explore the reasons honestly and thoroughly. For example, if you cheated on your ex, or you didn’t spend enough time with them, then you’ll need to deal with it. You’ll need to prove to your ex that you are serious about them and that the mistakes you made won’t be repeated.

You and your ex partner must be open and clear about the causes of your relationship problems and be firm in your commitment to rectify them. Sound and meaningful communication of the expectations and requirements of what you both desire for your relationship to exist and succeed is a must.

Choose To End The Relationship.

On the other hand, if getting back together after a break up isn’t what you want, or you’re not sure which way to go, you need to weigh up the following points carefully.

Sometimes people find it easier (and safer!) to stay in a relationship rather than take the risk and move on with their lives. This happens even if the relationship they have with someone is all wrong! Staying with a person because you somehow believe you’ll never find new love is a huge mistake. Relationships of convenience never really work out for the best.

photo credit: Macnolete

As mentioned above, there are times when a relationship is totally wrong. For example, if you were in an abusive relationship, where your partner showed you little or no respect or perhaps was violent towards you, trying to reconcile the problems and get back together is definitely a mistake. You are strongly advised to get out of this situation as soon as possible and seek help from family, professional services or the police.

Compatibility issues are another aspect of relationships that require scrutiny. Did you and your partner share common interests, have similar life goals or see eye-to-eye on things such as family values, etc. If you didn’t have much in common, perhaps that was what caused the break up even though neither of you will admit it!

Obviously, venturing into the ‘unknown’ is often scary and full of challenges, but if your relationship wasn’t working for you or your ex, then you should seriously think about moving on. Ending your relationship for good will be a brave step but, in the long run, it will be the right thing to do.

You’ll really have to do some soul-searching and be completely honest with yourself and your ex-partner. Whatever you decide to do after a breakup, you have the perfect opportunity to really stop and think about which way you want to go…Do you try getting back with your ex or move on with your life?

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