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Following on from an earlier post about mending a broken heart, which looked at the initial stage, the “hurting” phase, we can now move on to the final two aspects of healing a broken heart – the “get even” and the “who cares” phases that you’ll more than likely experience.

The second stage of a break up is the “getting even” phase. At this time, you’re consumed with the absolute need to get back at your ex and repay them for all of the pain and misery he or she has inflicted upon you.

This is a stage when you think of all the really horrible and vengeful things you can do to your ex. And, to be honest, this is probably a time when you should be trying to deal constructively with what’s happened, not extracting ‘pay back‘ on your ex lover!

While imagining all the terrible things you could do to your ex might make you feel better in the short term, generally speaking, most, if not all of your ideas are bad ideas! Not only can they get you in trouble within your own social group and potentially in trouble with the law, being hell-bent on seeking some sort of revenge will only serve in delaying your own recovery from the break up.

Another way jilted lovers try to get even after a break up is to enter into a rebound relationship. Some people try to replace their ex right away in an attempt to get over the pain and shock of a break up. These types of relationships almost always fall apart and you are hurt emotionally for a second time!

Does Seeking Revenge Help You Heal A Broken Heart?

Trying to even the score with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t a healthy approach to getting over a failed relationship. While you may be hurting really badly and thinking of nothing else than getting revenge on your ex lover, you really must do everything in your power to avoid or, at least, limit the time you spend in this dark and lonely place.

Ironically, trying to make your ex’s life a living hell achieves nothing but cause more pain and suffering for you. In fact, it has a negative effect on your recovery from a broken heart. Being stuck in this hateful stage doesn’t allow you to move on and begin to cope with your damaged feelings and emotions in a constructive manner.

A more productive thing to do with your time is to finalize the end of the relationship. For example, exchange all of the “things” that you have that belong to your ex. If there are items that you don’t necessarily need to give back, then just dispose of them somehow. Whatever you do, you must get rid of anything that reminds you of your former boyfriend or girlfriend.

As you reach the end of the “getting even” stage, you can begin to see the whole unpleasant event in it’s proper perspective. You have learned that there is a specific type of person that you want to avoid in the future. And, what’s more beneficial is that maybe you’ve discovered some things about yourself that will make you a better partner in the future.

The Final Stage Of Getting Over Heartbreak.

The third and final stage of getting over a broken heart is when you realize that you don’t really give a second thought about your ex and the breakup of your relationship. In fact, you’ll probably start to wonder what you ever saw in your ex in the first place and why the break up was such a big deal!

And, while it’s more than likely that you’ll always have a special place in your heart for your ex and the good times you shared, seeing him or her out with another person won’t send your world crashing down around your ears. Also, as strange as it may seem, it is quite possible that you’ll start up a “friendship relationship” with your ex which is something that would have been furthest from your mind not so long ago.

When you reach this last stage in the process of healing a broken heart, you’ll be able to move into new relationships. You’re ready to get on with your life and put your past romance behind you and view it as one of life’s little learning experiences.

(You might want to check out It’s All About You! How To Get (and Keep) A Wonderful Man by “TV Dating & Relationship Coach” Donna Barnes. I think you’ll find it enlightening and chock full of very useful information. And guys, don’t be put off by the title. Donna’s book is totally applicable to men who are trying to find that special woman! Read some of the testimonials and you’ll see what I mean.)

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