Marriage Counseling – Why Some Men Just Say No.
Let’s be honest, marriage counseling isn’t for everyone. However, sometimes it takes a third party to look at a situation objectively and make well-reasoned recommendations as a viable step towards sorting out marriages that are in trouble. Yet, the trick is to get both parties to want to seek counseling once all other options have been exhausted.
The marriage counseling dilemma – you say Yes, your husband says No.
For reasons known only to your husband, the idea of marriage counseling may seem foreign and intrusive. For some men, having to discuss intimate secrets in front of someone they don’t know can be disturbing to say the least. Males have their own ideas on how to deal with problems in their marriage. “Ignore the problem and it will go away”, is a common but flawed assumption when dealing with unpleasant situations. Moreover, admitting a weakness is not considered “manly”, and talking openly about that weakness, especially to a stranger, is just not on the cards.
Then, how do you convince your husband that seeking the help of a marriage counselor is important? The only way is by talking calmly, rationally, and honestly, and without using any threatening tones. Many wives think they can change their husband’s reasoning if they work on it hard enough and long enough! The cold, hard truth is however, you cannot change anyone. Seriously, all you can do is work on your own issues and perceptions of the condition of your marriage.
If your husband won’t go to a marriage counseling session, then you should go alone. Learn as much as you can about your feelings, about your marriage in general, and about your husband in particular. Talking to a marriage counselor can sometimes open your eyes to situations and problems in your married life of which you may not be aware. Remember, you have a subjective view of your marriage. All you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no reference point. A marriage counseling professional can help you look beyond yourself and your ideas of how things should be, and offer advice and strategies to help you understand what has happened and the reasons behind your marital strife.
Forcing your husband to attend a marriage counseling session will only inflame the situation and, more than likely, cause more friction between the both of you. Possibly, he may even retreat into himself further and stop communicating totally. While you are being counseled, perhaps the knowledge you gain about yourself and your marital concerns will enable you to better converse with your husband. He may come to realize how far you are willing to go to make your marriage work and do all you can to heal and improve it. Furthermore, this just may be the much needed spark that will encourage him to begin to open up to you and discuss the problems you both are experiencing in your relationship.
As stated at the beginning, marriage counseling isn’t for everyone. You need to appreciate that your husband may not be able to properly convey his feelings to a counselor. Try to understand that his unwillingness to participate may be that “manly” reaction to which many men fall victim. By reassuring your husband that marriage counseling is not as threatening as he thinks, and that if you both work together, perhaps your marriage can get back on track.
