Jealous, possessive men are dangerous. At first they appear to be very attentive. It’s almost flattering to get so much attention, to have someone want to make sure you get home safe after a night out with girlfriends for example, but sooner or later the reality of this situation sinks in.
He’s not really as concerned about your safety as he is checking up that you are actually where you told him you’d be. Even if you told him you didn’t need collecting, chances are he’ll show up anyway because “he missed you and wanted to see you”. If you’re in the early stages of a romantic relationship with this man, you’ll probably miss the rolled-eyes expressions your friends make when they hear this!
Is your man someone who wants to know where you are every minute that you’re out of his sight? Is he likely to ring you when you’re with friends just to make sure “you’re OK”? Does he like to collect you when you’re out with the girls so that “you get home safe”? Does he ask you about who you’ve been with, who you met – being particularly interested about any men that you talked with? Is he someone who thinks that you should go everywhere together – and if you go together, then you should stay side-by-side the entire time and not socialize independently at the party? If so, then it’s very possible that your man has a possessive and/or jealous streak that you need to be careful about.
It might be cute at first, but trust me, this could end up with a crisis situation where you end up trapped in a relationship because you have no-one to turn to – having been isolated from your friends because your man didn’t want you out socializing without him. He’ll have convinced you that going out with them, girls who are only out looking for men, means that you don’t care about him. Because you care about him, you’ll stop going out with them. He’ll separate you from your circle of friends, even family, and your contact with people other than him will become increasingly restricted.
Make no mistake about it, a possessive man, one who gets jealous if so much as another man looks at you, is dangerous. They eat away at first your social circle, and then your own self-confidence, until the day comes you realize that they have this much control over you. The real problem here is – you don’t know how to get out of the relationship which by this time may have even turned violent.
The best way to avoid getting to this extreme is to take steps early in the relationship to ensure that your man accepts that you have friends and a social life that he is not a part of. Reassure him that he’s welcome to meet up with your friends, and that he’s the only guy you’re interested in, but be very firm that when you are on a girls’ night out. He’s not to be there! Make ground rules about him not contacting you when you’re out with your friends, and about what interaction you may want to have with people other than him.
At any sign that your man is trying to restrict your social activity, or time you spend with friends and family, question his motives. And if it appears that he is displaying possessive and/or jealous behavior, take steps to stop this situation evolving. You need to seriously consider whether or not your relationship with him is worth it. Losing your right to socialize with whom you choose, your freedom and ultimately, your self-respect, is a price you should not be willing to pay in any relationship.