To many couples having real problems, separation, or living apart from one another, is the death-knell of a marriage or relationship. But, rest assured, it doesn’t always have to be like that. While making things work is the responsibility of both people involved, very often one partner’s efforts can be the catalyst that gets a relationship back on it’s feet.
Couples who separate aren’t necessarily in a marital situation. Even people who are living together can decide to live apart as a way of trying to work out their relationship troubles. Without actually ending the relationship, they are more able to see the issues that are causing problems.
More often than not, a relationship separations occur when a partner has been caught cheating and the trust factor in the relationship has been severely damaged. Surprisingly however, while many believe that a split from each other following such incidents is the final step before divorce, statistics reveal that a mutually agreed separations can be beneficial toward repairing relationship problems.
In many ways you could liken a couple’s separation to time in the ‘sin-bin“, to use an ice hockey parlance; a period when both parties are able to cool off a bit and have time and space to regather their composure. By taking a break from one another it can reduce the possibility of them making wrong or hasty decisions when emotions are running high.
However, on the other side of the coin, sometimes a partner will agree to or suggest a trial separation for the wrong reasons. While they really don’t want save the marriage or relationship, they don’t want to upset their spouse or partner either. They put off the inevitable end result and in doing so, cause more pain and suffering in the long run.
In a separation relationship there’s always the chance of couples getting back together. It would be foolish for anyone to suggest these situations hardly, if ever, work out for the best. There’s a popular saying, “Never say never!”, that could aptly apply to any separation, so don’t dismiss them out of hand.
Separation Advice – The Do’s and Don’ts of Relationship Separations
* Make it as easy as possible for your partner to come back to the marriage or relationship. It’s important that you let them know by what you say and do that the ‘door is always open‘ for them to return and you really want them back.
* Don’t continually harp on the fact that you want them back. This will only make your partner feel as though they are somehow obligated to return to the relationship and that you are trying to manipulate the situation. Your partner needs to come back to you through mutual arrangement, not because it’s something you want or expect!
* If you’re willing to forgive your spouse or partner for their cheating behavior, getting back together too soon can be a disaster. Emotional wounds take time to heal properly. Take your time to weigh up the pro’s and con’s of the situation and don’t allow yourself to be influenced by external pressures.
* In contrast to the previous point. If you were the one who was unfaithful in the relationship it is imperative that you give the other person the necessary time and space to work out whether or not they want to take you back. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy and trust needs time to rebuild.
In summing up, it doesn’t matter which way you look at separation in marriage or any type of relationship for that matter. It’s a statement that something is wrong; something needs fixing! Separation isn’t necessarily the first step in divorce proceedings, rather it should be looked upon as an opportunity to repair a relationship that’s in trouble.