Relationships Break Up Or Make-Up: When to End a Relationship Or Not

People in relationships break up and make up all the time. It’s just something that couples do. But, knowing this doesn’t make breaking up any easier if you’re caught in the middle of an “end it now, or get back together” dilemma.

Sometimes it’s hard to really know when it’s right to end a relationship, yet, other times, it’s as plain as the nose on your face!

And, there are plenty of reasons why a couple should break off their relationship; here are a few of the more obvious causes:

Signs of a Relationships Breakup

Relationships Break Up Or Make Up: When to End a Relationship Or Not* Lack of trust. If you no longer believe that you can completely trust your partner, then moving on is best for both concerned. Maybe they cheated on you, or they betrayed your confidence, either way, your faith in your partner has gone. Time to call it quits!

* You don’t really love your partner. In other words, you’re simply using them up, or leading them on. This can’t be beneficial for either of you. Better to come clean, and let go of the sham.

* Annoying habits you can no longer tolerate. Early on in a relationship, certain personality quirks might be cute, however, after a while, they can cease to be funny and appealing. And, if your partner won’t or can’t change these traits, it’s time to say good-bye!

* Sometimes it’s just a developmental issue. It’s well-known that females mature quicker than males, and compatibility becomes a real problem. The things you and your partner once shared as common ground, has now shifted location to the North and South Poles. Your lifestyles conflict.

* External influences. There are times when it’s not possible for you to continue a relationship because of physical, cultural or family barriers that are too difficult to get over. If any of these obstacles mean more than your relationship with your partner, then it is best to bring it to an end.

O.k. We’ve dealt long enough with the negatives, what about the positive side? When is it best to make up and get over the pain of a relationship’s break up?

Making Up Instead Of Breaking Up

There are two factors that are absolutely vital, and need to exist in a relationship, before you and your partner even consider making up following a bust up.

To begin with, you and your guy or gal have to truly be in love with one another. However, love by itself is not enough! There is something else equally important. That is the ability for both of you to see a future in your relationship.

And, that just doesn’t mean that you and your partner will be together next week, or next month. No, it means that you can envisage being together in six to eight months, or a year from now. There has to be some sense of stability or longevity involved in your relationship, perhaps even marriage.

If you’re going to get back with your ex, and the breakup was particularly bad, there are several other things you both must come to terms with and sort out.

Arguably, one of the most important aspects of fixing your relationship is unearthing the real cause of the breakup. What made you so angry at, or unhappy with each other? Is it something that can be resolved? Can you forgive and forget?

Identifying the reason, or reasons, behind you and your lover’s split up is paramount. You cannot move forward as a couple until this has been done. And, recognition of the problems may take some time to achieve, so you need to have patience with one another.

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  • Lana

    Reason of the break up was me getting fed up with his excuses of why he almost went to bed with another chick. His alleged reasons were he was trying to have some fun with his friends. Two girls. One a girl he cheated on me before, and the other one, and ex of my ex boyfriend lol. I swear I’m not kidding. 90210 has nothing on us… Sadly.
    He acts like an immature girl, and me pointing it out doesn’t precisely help. I found out through the girl of what had happened between them, he hid it from me, understandably. But getting to know it, in front of everybody, though her, and knowing he kept this secret with those other 2 girls, his supposed friends, fed me up. We fought a lot for 2 days, and ended up breaking up, cause he expected me to get over it just like that, and I couldn’t, cause it was one of many situations similar to this.
    It wouldn’t have bothered me as much if it was a joke among male friends. But those kind of things you see among 15 yo girls involving him and 2 more girls, one of them being madly in love with him and waiting for the chance to make a move on him, was the last drop.
    The major reason why we shouldn’t get back together is trust and his inability to deal with frustration or pain. He has a very harmful way to do so. Whenever he feels hurt, he needs to hurt back, to make it even. He’s extremely rude, really cruel and mean when this happens.
    Reasons to get back: we love each other a lot. He does see a future with me, I can’t though. I feel weak though, and need to hold him so bad…
    We still live under the same roof, we will at least for the next couple of weeks. I tend to forget so rapidly after he hurts me so bad. I can’t hold a grudge for too long.

    • jonel

      The major reason why we shouldn’t get back together is trust and his inability to deal with frustration or pain. He has a very harmful way to do so. Whenever he feels hurt, he needs to hurt back, to make it even.

      You’ve nailed it. Lack of trust is probably the main cause of your relationship problems, followed by your boyfriend’s need for payback. If you can’t discuss these issues with him and let him know how you really feel, as I said in an earlier comment, professional counseling is most likely to be your best course of action. Obviously, giving into him, or forgiving(?) his actions — not working!