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If you happen to listen to or watch any of the numerous shows either on radio or T.V. that give information on how to help save marriage among other relationship problems, you’ll often hear desperate men and women pleading with the host to “Help me save my marriage“.

They’re at their wit’s end with their respective spouses and don’t know what to do but, for one reason or another, they want to stay married to him or her. They are willing to do or try anything to resurrect their failing marital situations.

Maybe you’re in a similar circumstance where you feel frustrated because your spouse won’t do the work necessary to help save your marriage. Do you feel like you’re the only one in your relationship willing to make the effort to turn things around for the better?

How Can I Save My Marriage?

Well, here’s a simple tip, a little bit of advice that may help rescue your marriage, but it might not be exactly what you want to hear!

If you really want to save a marriage that’s headed for the rocks, “you” have to be the one to make a change. “You” need to accept the cold, hard fact that you can’t just change the way your spouse acts at the drop of a hat.

Gandhi, the well-known Indian spiritual leader, once said “You must be the change you wish to see”. And, that’s timely advice for any marriage that’s in trouble. If you put all the focus on wanting your husband or wife to change, you’ll miss the one opportunity you have to save the relationship that’s so important to you.

He or she are who they are. Your spouse most likely won’t change the way they behave simply because you ask or threaten them to do so. And, chances are strong that even if they should agree to make “changes” for the sake of saving the marriage, their promises won’t be permanent.

So, what did Gandhi mean? How will changing your approach and attitude make any difference to your marital situation?

Actions Can Save Your Marriage – They Speak Louder Than Words!

Basically, if you begin to make positive changes to the way you act in the relationship, do things you deem necessary to help your marriage survive, you will subtly influence your partner to do the same.

Subtlety is the key!

Standing up and yelling at the top of your voice, telling everyone how you’re the only one making the effort to save your marriage, simply won’t work! You need to be proactive, not reactive.

Doing something, grabbing hold of the situation and taking action are the best methods of achieving your end goals.

For example, if a wife is constantly nagging her husband to earn more money when he is perfectly satisfied with his job this situation, without doubt, can only increase tension and ill-feeling in the home. However, if she approaches the issue “Gandhi-style” and takes a part-time job or finds a way to make money for the family, it may encourage her husband to make more money too. Subtle, yet proactive, the wife’s actions can produce positive reactions from the husband.

Further still, if a husband wants his wife to lose weight (tread lightly here guys!), he can maybe join a gym and start eating healthier. Instead of confronting his wife or nagging at her about her weight, (dangerous ground, beware!); she sees him getting fit and into shape, and it can have the effect of spurring her on to do the same. Subtlety of action to produce a desired outcome once again.

I think these two fairly simplified examples effectively highlight the point that’s trying to be made here. That is, “we often fail to see that we must be the change we wish to see“.

Take Time To Help Save Marriage.

Now, while this advice may sound reasonably straightforward and simple, don’t be fooled! It does take time and patience to achieve. But, if your marriage is worth saving, then making the effort is definitely justified.

As we progressively change ourselves and our actions, we create space in the relationship to allow the other person to change and grow as well. Letting your spouse have room to make the decisions that you want him or her to make, by not nagging or belittling them, you can state your needs in such a way that allows your spouse to have options. And, we all love and cherish freedom of choice!

Maybe next time you hear someone utter these words in despair, “Please, help me save my marriage!” the simple tip shared above will come to mind and you’ll respond – “If you truly want to help save a marriage, maybe you should begin with yourself“, and take it from there.

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