Dirty Little Secrets of Cheating Spouses
Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor – rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you’re spouse is cheating on you.
At first, the fear of an affair is a tiny “blip” on your internal radar. His comings and goings raise your awareness. Perhaps one too many phone calls at strange hours or an unexplained happiness in your partner make you wonder. Most betrayed spouses can, in hindsight, pinpoint the moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real probability in their life.
While not all affairs are the same, the majority of cheating spouses have some dirty little secrets in common. These same secrets are the tool to your sanity as you can learn these, look for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you choose to take.
Unfaithful spouses actually hate lying to you – that is, at the beginning. Yes, it is true. Most unfaithful spouses really struggle with the overwhelming dishonesty at first. Over time, their guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.
Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain – they also make infidelity much easier to begin in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your relationship, start by going through all email and cell phone accounts. Any questionable email addresses or cell phone numbers should be traced right away.
Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.
If adultery is actually confirmed in your relationship, there are factors you must keep in at forethought. The next days, actions and decisions are all about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not spend your precious energy brooding over on the other woman (or man), do not spend your energy thinking about your unfaithful spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Unfaithful spouses thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses allow into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is stronger than your desire to find out someone you are with is not trustworthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust issues to be healed is the betrayed spouse…You! Take all the time you need for yourself, and heal yourself, before you begin any other adjustments in your life.
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