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Are you desperately looking for ways to stop your divorce? You don’t want your marriage to end up in the divorce courts causing you, your spouse and your family all sorts of emotional and, most likely, financial pain.

Many married couples go through rough patches in their relationships and, very often, the threat of divorce rears it’s ugly head. And, due to the fact that every marital situation is unique, finding a ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution to stop divorce is, well, out of the question.

photo credit: Daquella manera

Each marriage and each person involved in the marital union is different. Asking “How can I stop my divorce?” will inevitably bring forward a wide range of suggestions and information. However, while some save your marriage advice might work for couple “x”, nine out of ten times, it won’t work for couple “y”.

But don’t worry, there are certain things you can do to win back your spouse and that may prevent a divorce from going ahead. First of all, stop ‘shooting yourself in the foot’! Have a look at the following common errors most people make when trying to put a halt to a possible divorce.

3 Common Mistakes To Avoid If You Want To Stop Your Divorce.

# 1. A very common mistake is that a person will say things that are meant as ‘reassurances’. Saying that you will be better or that things have changed. These kinds of statements are rarely believed. It really sounds desperate and truly insincere, and makes you appear weak in the eyes of your spouse.

It doesn’t matter how often you say it, or how much you think your spouse wants to hear the words, “I’ve changed”, or, “I’m going to be different”, it won’t stop your divorce. It’s only seen as ‘lip service’!

If you want to really convince or reassure your partner that you mean what you’re saying, then action is what is required! Don’t just say that you’ve changed, or that you’re going to, actually change the way you act! Do the things that are needed to mend your marital relationship with your partner. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

# 2. Another error in judgment people often make when attempting to stave off divorce is to use emotional blackmail. Saying things like, “I love you, how could you do this to me?”, and, “Think about how this will hurt the kids”, is an obvious ploy to try and put your spouse through some kind of guilt trip. Attacking your partner’s emotions should definitely not be used to try and save a rocky marriage.

Pulling at your spouse’s heart-strings at a time when their emotions are most probably running high is not a wise move. You’re more likely to get a response you don’t want because their feelings are already strained and this might just push them to breaking point. Attempting to guilt them to your side, is destined for failure.

Of course, the opposite can also happen. Your partner’s reaction may be clouded by their emotional state and they may give in to your laments of lost love. But, in reality, is this how they actually feel? Will he or she feel angry or ‘used’ once they begin to see things clearly? Playing with your spouse’s feelings and emotions is asking for trouble and can lead to a ‘lose-lose’ outcome in your already fragile marriage.

# 3. The third big mistake is to get involved in heated discussions with your spouse about who is at fault for the ugly marital situation. Everyone wants to be right, and trying to convince your partner that you’re the innocent party in all this, is of no use.

Also, pointing out the failings of your partner or the mistakes you believe they they have made, will only end up driving them further away from you, making your marriage harder to repair and a divorce look more imminent.

The best advice you can get is, simply, not to argue with your spouse. All that it will achieve is to add to the already serious problem. There’s an old saying that goes something like this, “The root of problems [in marriage and relationships in general] can only come to light if and when you remove competition and the absolute necessity to win”.

So, how can you stop your divorce? As was pointed out above, there’s no simple, straightforward, everyday remedy to cure a marriage that’s gone wrong. Every marriage and the problems that might affect it are just like the people involved…different! How you and your partner go about saving your marriage will be unique to your own situation.

But, if you make an effort to avoid the common mistakes many people make when trying to stop divorce, you’ll stand a better chance of success. Finally though, if your marriage is worth saving, you need to take positive action and make changes. Remember, if you continue to do the same things that lead to this unpleasant situation in your marital relationship, you’ll end up getting the same unpleasant results.