Is It O.K. To Lie To People We Love?
It’s a sad fact that in most loving relationships several lies have been told. This may upset or shock many of you. But, it’s the truth. We most likely don’t go out and plan to deceive or betray the ones we love, nor do we wake up one day and decide that this is the day I’m going to tell my partner a lie. No, deception, or call it what you want, tends to creep into our relationships. It can start small, you know those little white lies, the ones not meant to cause any harm but essentially to shield our partner from sometimes hurtful reality. But, is this O.K.? When is a lie not a lie, regardless of the color?
Perhaps we think its alright not being completely honest with our partner. This allows us to avoid unpleasant confrontations. After all, we’re not really telling a lie, just evading the truth. This kind of reasoning gives us a false sense that we’re actually doing the right thing. But once we start to tell untruths, we need to tell more and it has a snowballing effect – it just gets bigger and more complicated. And, as with any lie in a loving relationship, ultimately it will be found out risking the loss of trust and love of our partner.
Telling lies to people we love is really a no-win situation. They know our body language, our facial expressions and the look in our eyes. And, on a more practical note, they most likely have access to our pockets, purses, wallets, cellphones, briefcases and drawers. In other words, they know us better than we sometimes know ourselves. Our partners will catch us telling lies and that deceit and violation of trust may lead to irrepairable damage of the relationship bond.
What is important is focussing on why there is a need to lie to our partner and the realization of the inescapable consequences of our actions.That to lie to those we love is not generally worth the value the liar places on the love. That’s the really unfortunate aspect of lies, evasion of truth and deceit in love. The seriousness of the mistake, of the break-down of the trust in the relationship is generally not realized by the betrayer until it’s too late. It might be a little white lie, or it may be quite a doozie. How we deal with it depends on the severity of the lies and the effect it has on our trust of that person. In fact, if we’ve lied to our partner, and felt our reason for doing so is justified we’re probably more likely to treat their deceit less seriously.
It’s necessary to set aside the hurt and the feeling of betrayal brought on by the lie, and try to understand the reasons behind it. If we lie to those we love about our serious illness because we want to first find out the chances of a cure, it’s not right, but it’s less a breach of trust than if we were to lie about a three year affair and the love child that resulted from it.
Still, the question remains, is it O.K. to lie to those we love?
