Relationship Information Online

Do you and your partner have what it takes to make marriage work? This might seem like a strange question, especially if it’s asked of couples who are heading to the alter to commit to a loving relationship. However, it’s one that should be compulsory, a kind of pre-requisite to marriage. It’s a sad statistic, but unfortunately, many couples end up in divorce court not really knowing why marriages fail.

Successful marriages involve communication, and an understanding between the parties involved that is based on trust and respect.  Many marriages fail as a result of miscommunication, misunderstandings, disrespectful treatment over time, or even neglect.  A successful marriage requires listening, understanding, and negotiating.  It can be treated like any professional relationship where both parties are comfortable sharing thoughts and views, respecting each other’s differences, and learning how to resolve conflict effectively.

Let’s examine probably the top four reasons why many marriages falter. It just might open your eyes as to what constitutes, or forms the basis of a happy, long-lasting relationship.

1. Marriages fail primarily from an inability to communicate.  If one partner shuts down or ceases to share how they think or feel, nothing can be gained for the couple.  Listening to and understanding one another are critical in developing a relationship.  Stagnant relationships can be a result of ignoring each other’s needs, not being respectful about the other person’s thoughts or feelings about a situation, and not willing to work things through. Listening well is a skill, and can help provide a balance in the marriage when motives and ideas are understood and shared between partners respectfully.  Using the right tone, body language, and being sincere are all important parts of the equation.

2. A strong marriage will also be based on unconditional love.  This means being able to accept your partner’s feelings or views, and not being frustrated about them.  Insulting comments, sarcasm, or displays of anger are ineffective resolutions for conflicting views. 
Negativity can come back over and over, creating an unhealthy pattern of behavior that is difficult to manage or stop on its own.  This is where marriage counselors can prove to be a valuable part of the unhappy couple’s schedule.  Disagreements that blow up into full-scale fights need to be acknowledged, thought about, and processed.  Running away from a problem or an issue at hand does not help the situation either, and it’s important for both parties to be as mature and responsible as possible.

3. A sound and steady marriage is also based on acceptance. A marriage can fail when there is not a strong foundation of acceptance on any level.  Acceptance of each other’s views and opinions, acceptance of being wrong once in a while, and acceptance of the importance of the marriage in your life itself are all important aspects of this. When the marriage is a top priority, the only thing that matters, it becomes easier to outline what it is that both parties want. If both partners are truly looking for a win-win outcome from the situation, there are plenty of ways and strategies in which the conflict can be resolved or negotiated.  A successful marriage will take this into account, and will not resort to disrespect or settling for miscommunication after just a few arguments.  Instead, accepting the situation and working through it to the benefit of both partners can deter failure.

4. Married life also takes adjustment.  Many marriages fail when both partners are not ready, or they have not grown up enough to handle adult responsibilities.  Adjustments also include learning how to live in a shared space, managing finances and making important decisions together, and how to communicate needs for space and comfort.  There are many stages of learning during the adjustment period, and a marriage can fail if these are ignored on a regular basis.

As you may see, for a marriage to be successful, it requires effort and commitment from both partners. Communication, unconditional love, acceptance and adjustment are aspects of any healthy relationship. Why do marriages fail? Perhaps the answer lies in the absence or under-development of one or more of these essential elements.